- When I was young, I thought life would teach me how to live, and suicide, how to die. I don’t really listen to what people tell me. I forget things I don’t like, and I look down dead- end streets. The end of a relationship leaves me with a sad aftertaste, the same as the end of a novel or an ice cream. But I am not afraid of what comes at the end of life.
- I am slow to realize when someone mistreats me, it is always so surprising: evil is somehow unreal, don’t you think? When I sit with bare legs on vinyl, my skin doesn’t slide, it squeaks, and I find it funny, though the sweat in between my calves makes a different horrid noise. I silenced myself, and just cry for a moment.
I joke about death.
I do not love myself but I do not hate myself.
- To take pictures at random places goes against my nature, but since I like doing things that go against my nature, I have had to make up alibis. I would rather be bored alone than with someone else. I roam empty places and eat in deserted restaurants. I do not say “A is better than B” but “I prefer A to B.” I never stop comparing, much as how I discriminate myself from the society.
- When I am leaving for work, the best part is not going the busy streets or getting home, but the jeepney rides in between: “You’re still traveling, but not really.”
- I sing carelessly, so I prefer singing in my mind. Though, I had an idea for a Dream Museum, which will gratify the unsung talents of people like me. Also, I cannot sleep beside someone who moves around, snores, breathes heavily, or steals the covers. I can sleep with my arms around someone who doesn’t move.
- I have attempted suicide once, but I’ve been tempted four times to attempt it. I am faithless. I have read less of the Bible than of Marcel Proust. My mum makes me laugh more than Andy Warhol. William Dietz depresses me less than Bret Easton Ellis. And I don’t see the connection between Taylor Swift and the normal. When I make lists of names, I dread the ones I forget.
- From certain angles, I can find myself handsome. I find myself ugly more often than handsome. I like my voice after a night out or when I have colds. I am unacquainted with hunger. I was never in the army. I have never pulled neither a fork nor a knife on anyone. I have never used Marijuana. I have fired a pellet toy gun. I have shot my sister twice with a pellet toy guy. I have a red- painted concrete room with books written by Roland Smith and Claire Davis rested on muted shelves. And I tempt random people view me while I masturbate.
- Although I am self-employed, I observe the weekend. I have never kissed a lover in front of my parents, or have I? I do not have a weekend place because I do not like to open and then shut a whole lot of shutters over the course of two days. I have not hugged a male friend tight. I have kissed a boy. Boys, if you may ask.